#She was mostly disgusted with the fact that I enjoy deer meat

[zerothisnero]

Shout out to the girl in my physical science class who looked at me in sheer discust and fear as I explained to her that it's common to eat deer, quail, frog, and gator down here in Flordia. God bless your little New Yorker heart

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 5)

Light Duties

Mostly just some conversation in this chapter because damn it I love doing dialogue! I’m sorry if this seems to end abruptly, as I was writing this chapter it got really long so I split it in half. The next chapter is (hopefully) a bit more exciting :P

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

I was so embarrassed. My memories of that night had been hazy, partly because I had tried not to remember. It wasn't a good night; my brother wasn't the nicest of men but I still grieved for him, it was like Arthur had said, family was important and that night I'd lost the last of mine. But I'd acted like such a fool, a hussy, a disaster of a woman. Arthur must've wanted to run a mile when he saw me at the camp for the first time, wondering how on earth I'd decide to harass him this time. I wished I hadn't brought it up.

I stared at a rock on the ground as we stood in silence for a few moments, both of us recalling how it’d gone down. The worst part was, Arthur likely remembered more than I did. Who knows what else I'd said that had slipped my mind.

I'm such a goddamn idiot.

“I remembered you as soon as I saw you.”

“I'm surprised, it was a year ago at least,” I noted.

Arthur nodded in acknowledgement. “Normally I might've forgotten, but... I won't lie, every time I thought back I felt a little guilty, since that night.”

I looked up at him in shock. “What? Why would you feel guilty? You helped me.”

“Yeah, well, I had the opportunity to help your brother and I didn't. I was back in town the next morning and I heard what had happened. I checked at the hotel, but you'd already gone.”

“You did?” I questioned, the crease in my brow softening as he nodded. “Well, I couldn't stick around. The guy who owned the bar wanted me to pay up for damages; whoever starts a fight pays, he said. Since it was my brother, the bill fell to me.”

“I'm sorry about your brother. I saw how bad the fight was getting, I should've stepped in.”

“And got your own face caved in? Henry wouldn't've stopped for much. My pa tried to pull him off of me once, ended up looking worse than I did.”

“You mean he hit you?” Arthur's eyes flashed up at me in horror.

“Sometimes. He'd hit anyone if they bothered him, I learned to keep my mouth shut around him and it didn't happen often towards the end… of him,” I explained. “I know it's bad, but– well, he's gone now.”

“Suddenly I don't feel so guilty,” he said, his voice low. I looked at him, not really sure what to say to that, so I steered the topic a little.

“I apologise for my behaviour that night. I was a mess.”

“No apologies necessary.”

“No, it is necessary. I was not respectful of you at all, even though you were nothing but kind to me. I wouldn't've blamed you if you'd just left me there, but you didn't. You're a real gentleman and you deserve my apology,” I lifted my head and spoke clearly and concisely despite the fact my face was burning and I wanted to hide away.

“We've all been there, acted silly on the liquor. It's fine,” he shook his head, flushing too. I knew he was recalling some of the things I'd said.

“Thank you, Arthur. I'd like to pay you back for that hotel room, soon.”

“You don't have to do that, I was just doing a good deed. I don't want nothing from you, ma'am. Besides, it was a year ago, I'll waive your debt,” he smiled at me and touched my elbow; my cheeks burned hotter. He looked lovely when he smiled.

“Well then, I'll return the favour some other way,” I decided, turning and running my fingers through the horse's mane so I had something to do with my hands.

“Just keep on doing them chores, new girl, that's good enough for me,” he said, finally stepping away and heading towards his horse. “Come on, let's take these animals back to camp. Good work on those rabbits, all this’ll keep us fed for days.”

“I'm glad I could be of some help,” I told him, mounting my horse.

“You've been a real help, these last few days. Moving to a new camp ain't easy, we haven't been there long, you've helped us more than you know,” he told me, climbing onto his own horse. He started trotting back the way we came, I sidled up to him.

“I've only been doing basic chores,” I reminded him.

“Basic chores still need someone to do 'em. The girls always have their hands full with keeping things going while us fellers are out lookin’ for opportunities. I'm sure they appreciate you shouldering some of that. Like I said, we ain't been here long, and the first few weeks is always the busiest.”

“You were staying in Blackwater before, weren't you? I saw it in the newspaper. I thought Dutch was gonna… well, do something not so nice to me when I realised who you all were. Dutch's Boys, that's what they called you in the papers.”

“Yeah, I know that made him think twice,” Arthur sighed. “But don't worry. You're one of us now, at least for the meantime. You're eager to work, Dutch likes that. He told me so.”

“So that's why he spared me?”

“That and he don't take kindly to hurting ladies,” he frowned, as if remembering something. “Most of the time, anyway.”

“Well I certainly am eager to work, I like to keep busy. And Dutch said if I stick around to help he might help me out too; getting my horse back,” I said and Arthur looked at me with interest, prompting me to continue. “I mentioned that a while back my horse was stolen. I'd been planning on robbing the guy who took her, it obviously didn't go to plan; but I'd know him if I saw him and he kept mentioning Emerald Ranch.”

“So you wanna go over there and get her back?”

“At least try to,” I nodded. “I'd kept meaning to when it first happened but I was on my own and I'd already pissed the guy off enough, I didn't know what I was stepping into so I just– I was too much of a coward.”

“Well, we'll help you get her back. No promises though, don't get your hopes up.”

“I know. For all I know he could've sold her and she's long gone. But even if there's a chance, I wanna try, especially since I wouldn't be going it alone.”

“You've been completely on your own, then, since Henry passed?” He questioned and I nodded my head.

“That's right. I imagine I've been living not too differently to you, moving around, camping out, going into towns for the sake of making money. In my case, I made most of my money off'a meat and animal hides. It weren't a lot, but enough to buy everything that needed buying. Ammunition, arrows, soap and clothes, you know.”

“You ever get lonely?”

“Sometimes. Mostly after Rayna, my horse, was gone,” I shrugged, not dwelling on it. “She was like a blanket, kind of, I felt safe and warm when she was outside my tent at night. It's been rough without her, I won't lie.”

For the first time in months, I felt a lump in my throat. I coughed and turned my head, taking in the scenery to distract myself.

“I guess it explains why you're so quiet 'round camp. I barely heard a peep out'a you 'til today.”

“I ain't used to talking this much, I'll end up with a sore throat,” I chuckled, turning back to him. He smiled at me with a trace of pity in his eyes. I hardened at that. “Don't get me wrong. I enjoy being alone, too.”

“So do I,” Arthur breathed. “Sometimes I like to just take it slow getting back to camp, like we're doing now. Gives me a chance to think,” he adjusted his hat and looked forwards. We were getting close to camp.

“That's true. Though I must admit, it's been nice talking to you today. Sometimes I forget that human contact ain't always bad,” I laughed.

“Glad I could remind you,” he smiled.

When we got back into camp, Pearson came straight over to us, looking pleased. He pulled the deer off of the horse I was on as Arthur took his own. I followed them, taking the rabbits with me, towards the camp's makeshift kitchen.

“Am I glad to see all this,” Pearson said, I could hear his smile in his voice. “These look like a good pair of deer, should be able to make something nice with them.”

“You good to skin those rabbits? We'll take the deer,” Arthur said, dropping his deer down on the ground.

“Sure, you got a knife?” I asked and Pearson handed me one.

I'd had a lot of practice with skinning animals, and I'd gotten better at it over time. My pelts fetched a decent price. I cut down the underside of the first rabbit and then used the knife to gently prise the skin away from the tissues underneath. I couldn't help but notice that my technique was a little different to Pearson and Arthur's; who seemed to favour brute force and after making the initial cut pulled the pelt away mainly with their hands, using the knife sparingly. I cocked a brow but otherwise didn't comment.

“They got you skinning rabbits now? Sure ain't no work for a lady,” Karen walked by and teased me. I looked up at her after finishing up the first rabbit.

“And I killed it myself, too,” I quipped back, moving onto the next one.

“Wow,” she lilted, face wrinkling just a little in disgust. She watched as I drew my blade down the rabbits belly. “I think I'll leave you to it.”

By the time I was finished with the three rabbits, Pearson and Arthur had hung the deer from the side of the wagon, Pearson took the rabbits from me, thanking me.

“Those are some clean pelts,” Arthur said, running his hand over the rabbit fur. “If you want, we can go out now and sell 'em.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure. We'll bring the deer ones too, put a little money in your pocket,” he placed them both down on the table by the rabbits.

“You'd let me keep the money?” I asked as I rolled up all of the pelts, bundling them nicely together.

“You killed almost all of 'em,” he laughed. “You've helped enough with the meat, I think you deserve the pelts.”

“It'd be nice to buy a new dress or some pants, so Mary-Beth can have her dress back before I ruin it.”

“Well then, let's go–"

“You can't go, Arthur. Aren't you supposed to be meeting Trelawny and Javier? Charles just left,” Pearson piped up, cleaning off his knife.

“Sean,” Arthur sighed, remembering. “Yeah you're right. I'm sorry,” he turned to me and I shrugged.

“It's okay, another time.”

“John ain't doing anything, why don't you ask him?” he pointed over at where he was sitting at the table nursing a bottle of beer. He looked up when he heard his name. “He's mostly on light duties anyway, on account of that little scratch on his face.”

Arthur was wearing a smirk and John sighed, slamming his bottle down a little too hard before getting up, coming over to us.

“What do you need?” He asked.

“This little lady needs taking out to sell these pelts. You can handle that, can't you Marston?” Arthur asked, hands on his hips.

“'course,” he said, eyes narrowed at Arthur, who only chuckled.

“And drop by Valentine too, she'd like some new clothes.”

“Women and their priorities,” John teased me, and once again I was quick on the defense.

“One or two outfits is fine for me, this dress ain't mine,” I explained as I followed him over to the horses.

“I know, I'm messing with you. We'll get you some clothes,” he chuckled. He climbed onto his horse then held his hand out to help me up too; this time I rode sidesaddle with the pelts on my lap. It'd save some of the awkwardness of the dress riding up as I was sitting right behind him.

“Where am I taking you?”

“I know a guy who gives me a good price. He moves around a lot but he should be over on the other side of Dakota river, near the station,” I told him, holding onto his waist.

“I think I know the guy,” he nodded. “Arthur mentioned him once after taking down this massive bear Hosea helped him find. Came in wearing the damn thing on his head,” he laughed as we set off.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, looked pretty stupid if you ask me. I told him that, he ain't worn it since," John snorted.

“Aww,” I said sadly. “You must've hurt his feelings.”

“He's a big boy, he can take it. Besides, he gives me enough crap about these wounds.”

“I noticed that. How'd you get them? Some kind of animal, I'm guessing,” I said, tilting my head so I could see the side of the face and the claw marks marring it.

“Wolves. Nasty business, thought I'd had it,” he told me with an audible breath.

“I bet. That's my worst nightmare, I think. I've had a couple of run-ins with angry bucks, but other than that I've been lucky. Though, I was bit by a snake when I was just a girl, I'd recommend that about as much as your run in with the wolves.”

“Owch. You suck the venom out?”

“My pa did,” I nodded. “Like you, I thought I was done for. Never been in so much pain in my life.”

[ohjohnno]

Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E04 (”The Cause Of This Defect”)

This isn’t quite a bottle episode - it does feature a couple of new characters, and there are a couple of moments on new sets - but in a lot of ways it does feel like one. It’s weirdly plotless, for one thing; aside from the cold open, the entire thing takes place over a period of about, at most, five hours, and as a result it’s very slow paced. That allows for a deeper exploration of more characters than usual, and the result is one of the most complex, affecting, and engaging episodes the show ever did.

The “plot”, or rather plot substitute, is a funeral and its immediate aftermath. In the cold open, we meet this guy: 

That’s Billy Grady West, and we don’t know him long. He dies a sad death by misadventure while fleeing a cop, making the mistake of hiding in a dustbin on the day the binmen come round. Over the course of the episode, we learn that he was Eric’s son, but also that he was really a West, to the point where he’d changed his name to reflect his feelings. Now, one could argue that we maybe should have been introduced to him in an earlier episode - it’s a bit weird that we’ve passed without mention of this guy so far, after all - but I don’t mind; he’s really more a plot device than a character, and that’s as it should be. The most important thing about him is that his death gives the writers an excuse to take Wolf out of prison for a day, thus setting off a chain of events that teaches us a bit more about just about every character.

It’s gonna be difficult to split this up into individual character-plot analysis like I usually do, so this is gonna be a little bit more like a traditional recap. So much of import is happening in just about every second of this episode that I’d feel worried about missing something if I didn’t. So, once we’re past the cold open and the opening credits, we jump right into the action with the Wests.

Right away, we learn several things. First, that Van - judging by the wall he punches - was very fond of Billy; secondly, that Loretta is, judging by her facial expression, a little bothered by still being what Pascalle calls “the oldest virgin in West Auckland”; and thirdly, that neither Cheryl nor Jethro are particularly looking forward to Wolf’s impending appearance at Billy’s service, even though he’ll be under guard. Eric appears, and it’s unclear whether his reticence to attend his son’s service is inability to face up to grief or just a lack of it. Then we’re at the service.

Jethro’s giving a speech over Billy’s grave, and you can tell instantly that he didn’t like him; he’s awkwardly stumbling over euphemisms about his skills and talents, treating him like an embarrassing fuckup whose funeral he is attending only out of obligation. But Wolf shows up in the middle of it, and their brief interaction is fraught with significance. 

He embraces Pascalle and Eric (as Cheryl looks on in disgust), but steps up to Jethro as if he barely knows him, standing there with an abrasive “thanks, mate” and staring him down with the full force of fatherly authority until he moves, clearly seething with long-brewed resentment that surely grows a little more potent right in that moment, as he’s forced once more to put a lid on it and bottle it up, making way for the indomitable force of his father’s self-assured machismo. Wolf, for his part, then delivers a wonderfully engaging, emotionally resonant speech (mostly about a digger Billy once commandeered) that captures the audience’s hearts, driving Jethro even more round the bend. “Only he could turn a bloody tragedy into the big day out,” he seethes to Cheryl, who isn’t any happier with the situation. Her mood isn’t improved by their lawyer, Corky, demanding money up-front for the appeal. They leave him in the dust.

Back at the house now, and Jethro’s rage has subsumed into a piercingly smug contempt. He mocks Billy to Van’s face while preparing meat on the “barbie”, and he doesn’t mince words: “A p-head screwup. If he hadn’t gone now, he would have gone next week, next year...” Van doesn’t like that at all, and that seems to give Jethro all the motivation he needs to keep pushing, seemingly itching to start a fight. Their brewing confrontation is interrupted by Cheryl, but it’s clear there’s something going on here that goes far deeper than Jethro’s dislike for Billy. Indeed, it’s pretty clear that this isn’t about Van, either, who did nothing whatsoever to provoke Jethro’s barrage of needles. This is a resentment that goes all the way to the top.

Wolf’s prison guard allows him a visit to the house, too, and Cheryl still isn’t pleased to see him. Loretta is, though, and he’s not the only one she’s pleased to see.

Wolf politely introduces her to Paul, his young, attractive prison guard. Loretta, well... look at that face. The “oldest virgin in West Auckland”, indeed, but far from an unfeeling robot. 

Cheryl burns her hand on a tray of sausage rolls, and runs to the bathroom for cold water; Wolf follows her, and they have brief, very confused, and very passionate sex. Loretta, meanwhile, does her best to hit on Paul, and it’s absolutely hilarious in the way that only awkward, antisocial nerd attempts at hitting on people can be. Her attempt is a nervous, motormouthed pile of obscure film references and weirdly sexual insults, the sort of thing that’s usually presented the other way around, gender-wise; it’s really quite rare to see the traditional gender roles get swapped like this, and it’s all the funnier for it. Poor Paul has no idea what to do, and it’s clear his torment isn’t gonna end anytime soon; Loretta asks him if he likes movies, and what’s anyone supposed to say to that?

Jethro, unable to piss in the toilet Van’s moping in, accidentally interrupts his parents; this unceremoniously ends their tryst, and things are immediately back to normal. Wolf, once more, demonstrates himself unable to understand what, exactly, it is that is making Cheryl so angry about the Allen situation; Cheryl, by now, has little to no interest in enlightening him. So she leaves, telling him to “fuck off back to prison”, leaving Wolf fuming in the bathroom. He sees Paul and Loretta going back to the latter’s room (for a “movie”), and it’s instantly apparent that he knows exactly what’s happening. Still, he lets it pass without comment, or at least without explicit comment; something tells me Paul might’ve been able to read between the lines when he said “I’m not going anywhere.”

Loretta continues to be her awkward self; “I’m gonna be a film director,” she proclaims while showing Paul her collection, and she keeps insulting him. He’s not bothered, but he thinks it’s funny, and he tells her so; “You don’t hold back, do you?” Loretta is suddenly very awkward indeed; “Do you think that’s... not attractive?”

In prior episodes, we’ve caught sight of the vindictive and manipulative sides of Loretta; here, we get an extremely important, timely reminder that she’s a fifteen year old girl, and that it’s absolutely essential to take that fact into account when evaluating her actions. She asks him, hesitantly and nervously, if he wants to have sex with her; he (rather shockingly) agrees, and that terrifies her. But after a moment’s frozen, deer-in-headlights terror, she gets up and closes the door anyway.

Down in the garden, Wolf has, once again, stolen Jethro’s thunder; he’s manning the barbie now, and asks Jethro if he wants a sausage. “No thanks,” says Jethro bitterly, skulking back into the house as Wolf tries to call in enough favors to convince Corky to represent him pro bono. It’s unclear whether it’s working, and Van overhears enough of it to get a little nervous. As Paul kisses Loretta - giving her what looks like a huge overload of very strong, conflicting emotions - Jethro and Cheryl commiserate in the kitchen, only for Jethro to seem to get a little mad at her for not being mad enough at Wolf. Ted wanders in, confused as usual, mentioning his late wife Rita as Pascalle consoles Eric, who seems unusually interested in the details of his late son’s sex life.

It’s not clear whether Pascalle “rooted” him before or after he changed his last name to West, not that I suppose that matters; it wasn’t like he was a blood relative, after all. Eric suggests that it was “one of the highlights, I think, of his whole life”, displaying a truly remarkable ability to perv on women in literally any conceivable circumstance; cut, hilariously, to to Loretta and Paul, lounging in bed, their facial expressions telling the whole story.

Paul, to his credit, seems upset that Loretta didn’t enjoy it, and immediately tries to make amends by, as the Jamaicans say, going bowcat. Meanwhile, Wolf and Van have a heart-to-heart in the garden; Van, it transpires, blames himself for what happened to Billy, mentioning that he didn’t join him on his criminal scheme this time because he knew Cheryl wouldn’t approve. Wolf isn’t having that. “You are a good man, with a lot on his plate,” he insists, and then something equal parts fascinating and horrible escapes his mouth: “Trying to listen to your mother and do the right thing by the family!”

It’s one short sentence that says volumes about his mentality. On the one hand, he truly does deeply, profoundly love and care about Van, and is genuinely speaking from deep within his heart as he does his best to try and comfort him. But it reveals a lot about what, exactly, is in that heart. He does, it seems, believe that a son should pay attention to the words of his mother, but the way he phrases it suggests that he really only believes this out of a sense of traditional moral obligation; he doesn’t really believe, or even countenance for a second, the notion that Cheryl could maybe have a point, the idea that her opinion is of equal value to his. Instead, he frames her decisions as a tragedy, the rock opposite the hard place that is “do[ing] the right thing by the family”, an obstacle that Van will have to overcome if he is to live up to the duties Wolf wants of him with the family. It’s advice delivered with pure intention from a deeply impure heart, and it may, alas, be just about the worst advice Van could get right now.

Elsewhere, Pascalle and Eric have been joined by Draska Doslic, a girl from a nearby Croatian family who initially appeared in episode two, but who was inconsequential enough there that I forgot to mention her. She’s Pascalle’s on-again, off-again friend, and it turns out both she and another mutual friend also, in fact, “rooted” the late Billy, much to Eric’s shock. They admit it was a “pity root”, motivated by Billy’s sad life and broken home; Eric immediately starts droning on about his sadness and guilt, about as transparent as a man can humanly get. It’s hilarious, but it’s also kinda sad in itself, y’know? Billy was raised - in theory, anyway - by a perverted, drunken criminal in an environment almost entirely filled with drunks and criminals; of course he was gonna turn out a fuckup. That cycle isn’t gonna be broken anytime soon, not if these surroundings are anything to go by.

Draska immediately perks up when Van walks in; Van barely notices, fresh off his conversation with Wolf, and accordingly starts a fight with Cheryl, drunkenly accusing her of betraying him while throwing some highly smashable stuff around. See what I meant about bad advice? Wolf has yet to learn that Van takes everything in the most simplistic, literal possible terms, and doesn’t have any sort of capacity for subtlety. If you tell him that what Cheryl’s doing is the opposite of “the right thing by the family”, how d’you expect him to react? The boy just about worships his father; the fact that he’s making him choose between him and Cheryl is cruel for both of them. 

Loretta, as it turned out, did not like Paul going bowcat, and is particularly grossed out when she learns of the blood that accompanied the loss of her virginity. The whole thing seems to have made her very uncomfortable, and Paul isn’t really reading the signs very well. He’s clearly enjoying himself a lot more than she is, so he has much more motivation to keep going than she does. She’s so not enjoying it, in fact, that she’s genuinely astonished to learn that he’s willing to go again. Still, she doesn’t kick him out.

Elsewhere, Cheryl’s friend Rochelle shows up. She’ll be pretty important eventually, although that’ll take a while. She showers enthusiastic affection upon both Wolf and Eric, the latter of whom is particularly pleased. Pascalle comes out, and Wolf gives her genuine and heartfelt encouragement to pursue her modelling career; it’s a lovely thing to do, especially given Cheryl’s constant haranguing of her for it, no matter how understandable. Wolf is in such a good mood, in fact, that he starts dancing with Cheryl, who can’t keep a big grin off her face. That’s Wolf’s thing, see: he’s very charismatic indeed, and his love for his family is so genuine as to be difficult to deny. One can almost see the twenty years of beautiful memories replaying in Cheryl’s head as they dance, erasing these horrible last few months and taking her back to paradise. It’s a rare portrait of the deep love that once existed between them that we mostly missed out on in this show. It’s heartwarming and heartbreaking at once, a snapshot of a rosier past and an alternate present where everything is much happier. But, alas, it’s - how did Lorde say it? - just a supercut.

Loretta and Paul are just talking now. For a moment, it seems that Loretta has regained her confidence; she messes with him, briefly making up and retracting a story about parental abuse just to see the look on his face, and complains about how much she disliked Billy even when he was a small child. But Paul sees through it, and gently pokes her; “so you do have feelings”, he says, and her reaction is really quite fascinating. Immediately, her confidence goes away; she bundles herself up, wrapping her legs up in her arms, frowns and tremulously denies it. “Nah,” she says, “not many, if any.” 

That is an important moment; it may, in character terms, be the most important moment in the episode. Loretta is a child who doesn’t fit in; she’s not like her sexy, popular sister, or her jocky, popular brother, and she feels alienated from just about everyone else in her age group. And she is, we know, a person with great capacity for doing terrible things, whose reputation on that front precedes her. And she takes refuge in that latter trait, throwing it up as her shield against a world that rejects and cruelly mocks her, throwing that cruelty back in its face in the form of searing witticisms and cruel schemes. But it’s not that she can’t feel; if anything, her feelings are very strong indeed, and at her core is a tender, fragile girl whose soul is all fractured from the neverending ache of loneliness. Maybe her actions in episode two really were jealousy; maybe that kinda abusive, controlling friendship she has with Kurt really is all she has, thus motivating her to do anything to protect the totality of her hold over him. Without him, she’d be alone with the feelings she wishes she didn’t have, having to confront her own normality.

Van, down in the garden, is not enjoying the sight of his parents dancing nearly as much as everyone else. “Your parents are so cool,” says Draska, but Van’s mind is clearly on the fragility of it all, and so off he goes, grabbing his balaclava.

He encounters Jethro on the way out, doing a very bad job of lying to him about what he’s gonna do. Jethro follows him, encountering and mostly ignoring Allen (from the last episode) on the way out. Allen walks with great purpose through the house, finds Eric, and punches him, thinking he was the one who snitched on him last episode. Wolf gently takes him aside and calmly explains to him that he was the one who snitched on him, and what follows is a fascinating demonstration of the dynamics of macho honor.

They don’t fight, that’s for sure; they converse like equals who respect one another, even though the topic of their conversation is Allen’s admitted attempts to pull Wolf’s wife. “Jesus Christ, Allen, you didn’t give me a choice!” says Wolf, and it’s fascinating that he doesn’t once suggest to Allen that maybe he might have been in the wrong to try and sleep with a married woman. Rather, he seems to view this as natural and expected, and frames his own actions as a necessary evil to protect the one he loves. He doesn’t give Cheryl any agency in this, either; she’s just the object being fought over, and Wolf seems to believe that Allen “spending every day with [her], giving her money” would have been enough to break her loyalty. But he doesn’t even think of breaking off his friendship with Allen; instead, he apologizes for what he had to do and promises to make it up to him. This episode is the last we ever see of Allen - I presume he went to prison shortly after this - but I’ve no doubt Wolf would have kept his promise if able. It’s a fascinating thing, that macho honor system, and a resilient one - but it’s not a good one. 

We get a timeskip; it’s nighttime now, and Van is trying to rob a closed gas station in order to get money for Wolf’s appeal. Jethro has followed him, and gently reminds him that lawyers generally charge a little more than gas stations tend to keep within their premises. Van goes off to rob somewhere else, leaving Jethro sighing. Meanwhile, Eric is making the most of the sympathy he’s getting from Rochelle while Wolf and Cheryl talk. 

Wolf lays out an ultimatum. If Cheryl still loves him, he’ll go back to prison and faithfully serve the remainder of his time, for the sake of the children; if she doesn’t, he’ll make his escape right now. Cheryl says “when you’re here, it’s like you never left”; Wolf smiles and takes that as an expression of love, but Cheryl’s face afterwards indicates that it was far more complicated a statement than that. 

Maybe Cheryl does love him, but she’s also very much aware of what impact Wolf escaping would have on her kids and their lives. With that to look up to, what would become of her experiment? What would happen to her kids’ lives? And on the other hand, does she really want things to go back to how they were before Wolf left? Sure, it feels good, but where does it all lead?

Pascalle and Draska share a confession. “I didn’t really wanna root Billy”, says Draska; “Me neither,” affirms Pascalle. Draska did it to make Van jealous, and while we never find out why Pascalle did it, one presumes she had her reasons. Considered in context with Loretta’s escapades this episode, and this episode presents a fascinating critique of the way society pressures women into having sex for all sorts of reasons except them actually wanting to have sex, thus ultimately satisfying only the men at their expense. Pascalle and Draska finish up by, as The Onion once said, validating the living shit out of each other while Wolf shoos Cheryl away so he can talk about “plans” with Allen. Cheryl steps away and looks over the party, clearly having something of a moment of clarity as a psychedelic guitar solo plays from the stereo in the background. Wolf loves her enough to tell her that he does; he doesn’t love her enough to trust her with any real knowledge about the things he does. 

Elsewhere, Van is breaking into a drugstore, on the same idea as before. Jethro follows him, again pointing out that this makes little sense. They’re interrupted by a kid who seems to be sleeping there, who chases them out with threats to call the cops.

                                            White trash bastards!

Van twists some stuff round to blame Jethro for Wolf’s predicament, still following the lines Wolf himself laid out for him in their conversation earlier: that this is all because of Cheryl and her crackpot scheme to go straight, and that Jethro is aiding and abetting her by being a “mummy’s boy”. Jethro objects a little too strenuously to this characterization, and essentially flips it back on him, accusing him of wanting to be Wolf. He’s probably more right; Cheryl doesn’t realise how different Jethro is from her, but neither Van nor Wolf realise Van isn’t cut out to be Wolf 2.0. Only Jethro realises that. He cautions Van against following this path, lest he end up a “dead loser like Billy”; they fight (kinda) and Jethro, being the less drunk of the two, wins. Jethro leaves; Van turns round and sees a digger.

Jethro returns home, and he and Wolf have their first real conversation of the entire show. It might be the most hostile interaction between any two characters so far, too, and that includes that one scene in episode two where a woman was beating her nephew. There’s mutually flowing resentment here, both tied to things bigger than the men themselves. Wolf has some sort of class resentment tied up in the way his son has decided to live his life; “Mister I work in town, I wear a suit”, he mocks, bemoaning all the potential wasted when they decided to send him to the “uni-var-sity” instead of drawing him into the family business. Jethro isn’t as explicit about the reasons for his resentment, but he doesn’t need to be; it’s clear as day, and has been from the moment Wolf stepped up to him at the service. Jethro has a complex about his father, feeling at once intimidated and abandoned by him, clearly craving the love and affection he shows the other kids while idolizing his macho self-assuredness and self-control, and channeling his resentment at his lack of that into a general hatred of Wolf, the things Wolf does, and people who remind him of Wolf. He certainly didn’t have Van’s best interests in mind when he told him to be his own man and stop imitating his father; no, he was just bitter, aiming squarely where it would hurt, fighting a substitute for Wolf because he knew that was the closest he could get to beating him. “Oh, thank god Mum doesn’t buy your shit,” he snarls, but it’s clear from his actions in the previous episode that Cheryl is just an ally of convenience to him, herself not realising that she and Jethro are united only in their shared distaste for Wolf and not in any of the reasons.

Loretta and Paul are at it again; Loretta seems to be enjoying it, but quickly reveals (much to Paul’s chagrin) that it was just an act. She’s gotten bored enough now that she’s back to her usual ways, getting most of her pleasure from messing with him; when she finally tells him she’s fifteen, his shock gives her the first real smile of the night. Not that this excuses him, natch - he really should have known, and I think on some level probably did, but that didn’t stop him. He’s entirely in the wrong here, both legally and otherwise - but there’s no denying the joy she takes in making him panic. Which is the story of her life, really, so far as we’re able to tell from these four episodes - she doesn’t have a lot of joy in her life, but she takes what she can get in making other people suffer.

Wolf and Cheryl have their final conversation of the night. They share jokes and laugh at their friends, like any happily married couple. But their differences are still there, and irreconcilable. “There are no prizes for suffering, love,” says Wolf. “Nobody thanks you for it.” It’s a great, great quote, applicable to many situations and, in itself, entirely correct - but hot on its heels comes a quote arguably even more important: “I’m not gonna change, love.”

Cheryl knows he’s right, of course. But Wolf has to go before the conversation can finish. He says his goodbyes, and after he’s gone Loretta allows herself a moment of gloating to Pascalle; “You’re still a slut, but I’m no longer a virgin,” she says, before proclaiming that she’s never gonna do it again. And who can blame her? As far as I can tell, that was awful. Bad sex isn’t depicted too often on television, or if it is it’s usually the butt of very immature comedies. Here, it’s treated maturely and seriously, as an important character moment and a rare possibly-realistic depiction of the embarrassing awkwardness of teenage girldom. Hats off to the writers for this one.

Paul lets the ever-well-behaved Wolf sit in the front seat of the prison van on the way back, secure in his knowledge that he’s not gonna try and escape. Or at least that’s what he thinks before a giant digger, piloted by an ecstatically drunk Van, blocks the road ahead. Van gets out, caterwauling about an escape attempt; Paul reaches for his radio to call for backup, but Wolf assures him that he’ll handle it.

He tells Van much the same thing he’s been telling him already: “Go home and look after your mother for me, okay?” For once, it might be good advice. He gets back in the prison van; it drives off, leaving Van confused and dejected in the middle of the road. 

Our final scene is Cheryl mostly-monologuing to Jethro, vocalising most of the things we’ve been able to figure she was thinking towards the end of the episode: she truly does love Wolf, and probably always will, but needs him to stay in prison if they’re to continue making a good life for themselves. “It’s like when you turn the lights on in a room full of mess,” she says; “you’ve seen it, and it’s too late.” It hurts her, but it’s good to see her making the right decision. She’s not gonna go forward with the appeal; despite everything, she’s gonna let him rot in prison. Jethro, naturally, seems perfectly happy with this decision. Alas, for all her clarity on Wolf, Cheryl is still blinkered on him; she doesn’t realise just what he is, or the reasons he feels what he feels. But for now, he’s being a good mummy’s boy, listening to her talk about feelings and getting her drinks. And so the family’s life goes on, same as before; the difference is, as Cheryl said, that the lights have been turned on now and we’ve seen a whole lot about many of these characters that can’t be unseen. There’s a depth and complexity of character here that’s rare to find in any fiction, and I cherish it very much. This is an episode without a wasted moment, where every scene is just as important as the last. It’s as good as TV writing gets, if you ask me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes of anything ever. But it’s still early days yet, and the show will cover a lot of ground, both good and bad, beyond this. To the next!

[arawynngoldwing]

      The comment made him frown, and he placed his hands on his hips in an almost comical fashion.

      ❝ I’ll have you know I am an excellent warrior ❞ he sniffed. His years of combat training had given him great skill with a blade. ❝ Just because I don’t like ripping an animal to shreds doesn’t take anything away from that fact ❞.

      He felt as though she had hurt his pride, something not many people could do. But that was mostly because he had been surrounded by people who lived to kiss his backside and bow to his every whim. Although he didn’t want to rule his kingdom, he had no realised just how difficult it would be to fend for himself.

      He looked away from what she was doing, finding it too disgusting to watch. Perhaps he ought to find some berries, as she had suggested, considering he was so hungry. But to stoop to that level and forage? It was beneath him. Then, if he was planning on living independently, what choice did he have? Sighing, realising he was going to have to ask for help, he grimaced, and then turned back to her.

      ❝ I don’t know how… I don’t know the first thing about foraging… what if I pick something poisonous? ❞ He hated to admit it, but he didn’t have the first clue about being out in the wilderness by himself.

“I assumed the sight of blood disgusted you - you wouldn’t be the first one.”, Arawynn replied calmly. Even people who did enjoy meat were sometimes unable to stand the sight of an animal being taken apart. When the stranger mentioned her ripping the deer to shreds, a smile appeared on her face. He had no idea what it would look like if she actually did that.

The redhead enjoyed the silence between them for as long as it lasted. Which was not very long. Though at least this time, it wasn’t demands or complaints. She took a couple moments to wash off at least most of the blood (it never came off the first time) with some water from her waterskin before joining the other.

“One of the most important rules of collecting any sort of food in the wilderness - not only berries, but also herbs and especially mushrooms - is to only collect what you know for certain to be eatable. If you’re insecure, better don’t take it. It might not help you right now, but it’s important you keep it in mind. Look at the stalls of those who sell fruits, vegetables and berries. That’ll help you to learn which fruits you can eat safely.

These bushes are blackberries. Perfectly safe to eat. When they’re dark and easy to pluck, they’re ripe.”, the Dragon Changer explained patiently. To demonstrate what she meant, Arawynn grabbed one of the dark, almost black fruits. It nearly fell into her hand the moment she touched it. Gently, she placed the berry in the Elf’s hand.

“Try it out. Foraging takes practice. If you’re insecure or have further questions, ask me. I’ll continue my work with the deer.”, she suggested encouraging. Without his demands and complaints, the Elf was almost likeable. Not that she’d say it out loud.